There are only a few things that really irk me when people discover that I have a bi-racial grand-daughter. And by "irk" I mean that I don't get worked up about things. I may, however, make a mental note that the person I'm speaking to might be an ass-hat. But I am polite and civil. Most of the time the off-putting comments come from strangers or acquaintances, so a rebuttal is not even necessary. Luckily I have a very loving and accepting group of family and friends. I've never come across blatant racism regarding her existence. And I don't know if black grandparents experience this or if it's just a white grandparent thing. Either way, some things that people might consider acceptable remarks are just...not.
So here they are in no particular order (and yes I've heard each at least once):
1) "Oh, you have a mixed race grandchild? So and so (whom you've never met and will never, ever meet in your lifetime) has a mixed race ____________ (daughter, cousin, grandson, etc.) too."
Reeeeally? Isn't that fascinating? I'm so glad that you've made me aware that there are other bi-racial children in the world and that you know one of them. The fact that you have decided to make small talk about this leads me to believe that you may not have a very diverse group of friends...so get on that. I mean, seriously, I understand that people want to feel connected to others but is that the best you've got? Bi-racial babies are not part of some elusive, unusual, alien-like species that are to be marveled at. In fact, anthropologists have stated that without a doubt, within about two hundred years, all of us will be "mixed race."
2) "She is the most beautiful mixed-race baby I've ever seen."
Not sure what the meaning of this is, exactly. Personally I think all babies are beautiful. I can count on one hand how many unattractive infants I've seen in my life, and I'm...middle aged. I admit that when my daughter told me she was pregnant the thought crossed my mind that the baby would be beautiful. Because it's what I've "heard." And also because our family does beautiful babies. It's just our thing. But having now "heard" it directly, about my grand-daughter, it definitely bothers me. Does this mean that she is only beautiful as a mixed race baby? As in, this person has seen "all" white babies that are much more beautiful? Or that if she was "all" black she'd be more beautiful? Dumb. So dumb. Just say she's beautiful. Common sense.
3) "Does she have kinky hair or regular hair?"
Regular? Meaning that kinky or curly hair is "irregular?" Why does this concern you? Perhaps this just slipped off your tongue. You may have even immediately corrected yourself with "I mean, straight hair" but that doesn't really work either because it's not a question you would ask a grandparent of a "regular" er, I mean, "white" baby. Oops.
4) Is she a dark baby or a lighter baby?
Um, what? Why, why do you ask? Such a weird question. You're just curious? What? Come on. How about "is he/she healthy? How's mom doing with new motherhood?" People, people, please. The best way to respond to this one is with a long stare, followed by, "Excuse me?" followed by another long stare. Shuts 'em right up.
5) This isn't really a comment made exclusively to grandparents of mixed babies, but since I'm on a roll: "Is your son/daughter married?" or "Is the father in the picture?"
Hard to believe that in this day and age people still think this is an acceptable question to ask a stranger, but I still hear it. None of your F-ing business, lady ('cause usually it's a lady. You'd think us women would stick together and all but not yet I guess).
Like I said, I'm not going to punch you in the face. I'm so not into political correctness. I know most of you are just trying to be friendly. Naively so, but friendly nonetheless. Just use your noggins, folks. You don't need to act fascinated. You don't have to make any reference to the color of my grand-daughter's skin.
She's just a baby. And she's loved beyond words.
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