16 things
December 10, 2008
1) I can "do" snot, boogers, blood, vomit, dog poo, baby poo, and afterbirth. I cannot do "PHLEGM." I run away like a big scaredy-cat. As in the kind of goo that a ten-year old boy or forty-year old man hack up and want to show you because it's "a good one." STILL TRUE. GUESS I'M READY FOR GRANDKIDS.
2) I am convinced that taking keyboarding in 1983 gave me a slight case of OCD. I still type. In the air. On my lap. All the time. Always the same words, too: "Why, yes, yes of course I do." STILL TRUE
3) There are two types of people in the world. People who really want "stuff" and people who really want "kids." When people ask me why I have so many kids, I tell them it's because I'm not into "stuff." YUP STILL TRUE
4) Making out is totally over-rated. All the movies and such that make it a big deal...the anticipation, the noises. Puh-lease. Anyone who's been married at least 10 years knows what I'm talking about. TRUE
5) I have no problem with taking legal substances to get through the day. Caffeine, alcohol, occasional tobacco, Xanax, Ativan. I mean, who goes the whole day without ingesting some sort of drug? I mean, really. It's the American Way. FALSE. IKSNAY ON THE RX-AY
6) Teenage daughters remind you of everything that is wonderful and awful about yourself. It's like looking in the mirror. Only without the crow's feet. Or the sags. It's unfortunate and humbling all at the same time. TRUE.
7) They say life begins at 40. OK, I'm waiting..................................... STILL WAITING
8) Don't try to fight a nervous breakdown. Just let it occur. It could be the best thing that ever happens to you, trust me. Just make sure you don't have access to any weapons and see #5. TRUE
9) I have what I fondly call my "valance." It is a lovely chunk of skin and sub-sebaceous fat from birthin' six kids. And it's true (don't let anyone tell you otherwise) that you can only lose so much weight, but this jello-like mass will still be there. A true DUNLOP (dun lop over my belt) draping not-so-lightly over your otherwise feminine form. If I could afford a tummy tuck, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Otherwise...be proud of your valance. Very proud. FALSE. OH IT'S STILL THERE BUT I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.
10) Chip and dip is ambrosia-food from the gods. And the gods' nectar? Coors Light. Having them together puts you in a state of euphoria. YEAH STILL TRUE.
11) Still waiting for my life to begin. SEE #7
12) Confession: I delete all forwards. I don't care if it's from my mom whom I love dearly or the Pope himself. If you think it's really special, take out the frickin' "FW" and maybe I'll take a peek. But just a quick one, 'cause if I see a bunch of these: >>>>>>>, yeah you guessed it... DELETED. STILL TRUE, THOUGH IT'S FUNNY HOW FEW WE GET NOWADAYS, EY?
13) I hate the man. Which man? THE ADVERTISING MAN. You know, the one who makes cartoons of elephant wives married to centipede husbands. Or some such nonsense. I buy GENERIC and stick it to 'em. COMPLETELY TRUE. I AM A GENERIC FANATIC.
14) Crazy as it sounds (hold your breath), I really like Kanye West's music. HMM...HAVE TO SAY FALSE.
15) I will do anything to avoid going outside unless it's over 50 degrees. I will lie and say that my back hurts or that I'm nauseated; whatever it takes. Don't tell me about the "pretty snow" or the "fresh breeze" or the "warm sun." You won't convince me. I want to live with my brother in Tennesee. And I mean, WITH him so I can kiss his baby's cheeks all the day. TRU DAT. THOUGH THE KID'S NOT A BABY ANYMORE
16) My dream vacation would be two weeks on a secluded beach in Florida with a cabana boy who hails from Puerto Rico and speaks very little English fetching me chips and dip and Coors light. Then my life will finally begin! :) ROGER THAT. STILL TRUE.
2) I am convinced that taking keyboarding in 1983 gave me a slight case of OCD. I still type. In the air. On my lap. All the time. Always the same words, too: "Why, yes, yes of course I do." STILL TRUE
3) There are two types of people in the world. People who really want "stuff" and people who really want "kids." When people ask me why I have so many kids, I tell them it's because I'm not into "stuff." YUP STILL TRUE
4) Making out is totally over-rated. All the movies and such that make it a big deal...the anticipation, the noises. Puh-lease. Anyone who's been married at least 10 years knows what I'm talking about. TRUE
5) I have no problem with taking legal substances to get through the day. Caffeine, alcohol, occasional tobacco, Xanax, Ativan. I mean, who goes the whole day without ingesting some sort of drug? I mean, really. It's the American Way. FALSE. IKSNAY ON THE RX-AY
6) Teenage daughters remind you of everything that is wonderful and awful about yourself. It's like looking in the mirror. Only without the crow's feet. Or the sags. It's unfortunate and humbling all at the same time. TRUE.
7) They say life begins at 40. OK, I'm waiting..................................... STILL WAITING
8) Don't try to fight a nervous breakdown. Just let it occur. It could be the best thing that ever happens to you, trust me. Just make sure you don't have access to any weapons and see #5. TRUE
9) I have what I fondly call my "valance." It is a lovely chunk of skin and sub-sebaceous fat from birthin' six kids. And it's true (don't let anyone tell you otherwise) that you can only lose so much weight, but this jello-like mass will still be there. A true DUNLOP (dun lop over my belt) draping not-so-lightly over your otherwise feminine form. If I could afford a tummy tuck, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Otherwise...be proud of your valance. Very proud. FALSE. OH IT'S STILL THERE BUT I'M NOT PROUD OF IT.
10) Chip and dip is ambrosia-food from the gods. And the gods' nectar? Coors Light. Having them together puts you in a state of euphoria. YEAH STILL TRUE.
11) Still waiting for my life to begin. SEE #7
12) Confession: I delete all forwards. I don't care if it's from my mom whom I love dearly or the Pope himself. If you think it's really special, take out the frickin' "FW" and maybe I'll take a peek. But just a quick one, 'cause if I see a bunch of these: >>>>>>>, yeah you guessed it... DELETED. STILL TRUE, THOUGH IT'S FUNNY HOW FEW WE GET NOWADAYS, EY?
13) I hate the man. Which man? THE ADVERTISING MAN. You know, the one who makes cartoons of elephant wives married to centipede husbands. Or some such nonsense. I buy GENERIC and stick it to 'em. COMPLETELY TRUE. I AM A GENERIC FANATIC.
14) Crazy as it sounds (hold your breath), I really like Kanye West's music. HMM...HAVE TO SAY FALSE.
15) I will do anything to avoid going outside unless it's over 50 degrees. I will lie and say that my back hurts or that I'm nauseated; whatever it takes. Don't tell me about the "pretty snow" or the "fresh breeze" or the "warm sun." You won't convince me. I want to live with my brother in Tennesee. And I mean, WITH him so I can kiss his baby's cheeks all the day. TRU DAT. THOUGH THE KID'S NOT A BABY ANYMORE
16) My dream vacation would be two weeks on a secluded beach in Florida with a cabana boy who hails from Puerto Rico and speaks very little English fetching me chips and dip and Coors light. Then my life will finally begin! :) ROGER THAT. STILL TRUE.
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